HAPPY NEW YEAR ALL!!!

I thought I would start the new year off with a note to the dog, one of Americas favorite pets.  The 2015 Chinese new year celebrates the Goat or Sheep, and last year was the year of the Horse, my favorite animal.  But this is not about the Chinese new year, it’s really a note to dogs everywhere, especially the special dogs.

Many of us live with dogs, many do not.  Some people are really into dogs, and get their dog fix through rescue groups, hunting, training guide dogs, and more.  And there are those people who, through a bad experience or maybe just lack of information, do not like dogs. Dogs were always part of our family, and I have a hard time envisioning life without a dog as a pet.  My parents brought home lots of different dogs.  Some worked out, and others didn’t.  But what I remember most are the ones that lived their entire lives with us, and how much we loved them.  (I also remember the astounding number of pets that were eventually buried in our back yard as we grew up, including cats, hamsters, gerbils, birds, a tarantula, a rabbit, etc.)  Most of the dogs I have been lucky enough to live with were amazing companions.  But from time-to-time, I have had some dogs that, well, nicely put, were a bit of a challenge.

As many dog trainers would say, including the Dog Whisperer, Cesar Millan, “Dogs are not stupid.”  Dogs are not brainiacs either, but most of them easily learn basic concepts.  My problem starts when I end up with a dog that has a tendency to not remember, or selectively remember, what it has learned.  The dog knows what it is doing is wrong, but does it anyway.  For instance, most dog owners have gone through this scenario:  you buy your dog a cute little fuzzy toy.  They love it!  The dog tears the toy to shreds and enjoys every second of all five seconds of that $19.99 toy you bought.  But then, the dog continues to carry around the fuzzy carcass of the toy for months, sometimes years, so you really did get your money’s worth.  But then the dog thinks that every thing fuzzy in the house is a toy.  So now you have to rip your brand new fuzzy snow boots you just spent $250 on out of the dog’s mouth and replace it with the fuzzy carcass that used to be its toy.  Let this be a lesson to you, the dog just did what it thought was okay.  See Formula:  FUZZY + NO SUPERVISION = CHEW TOY!  The owner who left the $250 snow boots out for the dog is to blame in this situation.  But, nevertheless, we humans do not like to take the blame, so the poor puppy ends up back in the shelter from which it came.

So, if dogs want to survive as great companions, here is a note to help them out:

TO DOG:

You were found in a backyard as a puppy running amok with fleas and ticks.  You were lucky enough to be really cute, and saved by a rescue group.  Now you find yourself in a McMansion with no other pack members around to teach you, and you must make your way in life as a family dog, to which you know nothing about.

Unless it is given to you, leave it alone!  You can smell it if you don’t drool, but you cannot have it or desecrate it.  The outside is your potty, the inside is NOT.  If the stupid owners you live with leave a cabinet door open and the purple cleaner looks and smells good, don’t drink it!!  You will surely die.

When someone screams, STOP whatever it is you are doing, and don’t ever do it again!

Always look cute, because when you do fuck up, they will spare you because you ARE so cute.  That is why God made you cute in the first place.

Good luck and Carpe Diem!