Finding the Bathroom in Movies?

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Most movies are a form of entertainment to help people escape reality.  Because people now have the attention span of a flea, movies need to be exciting, eye-catching, and keep moving.  This leaves no time for details, like eating or going to the bathroom.  The problem becomes that the story is no longer realistic.   Do I want reality in a movie? Not really, but I also don’t want to think I can go 3 days without eating, drinking, or peeing, and still fight a dragon and win.

JamesBondMartini-720sqIn some movies, the story line takes you into the character’s daily life which might include sitting down for a meal (of course everything is always perfectly prepared) or getting ready for work (and looking like you just walked out of a makeover at Neiman Marcus).  After these types of scenes that set the tone, all bets are off.  Let’s look at the character James Bond for instance; lots of action in every sense, there is never a break.  They may have a drink at a bar, great sex, then, the characters engage in a 2 hour car chase with no sleep, no food, no shower or bathroom break, and wasted on gin. I have tried this diet, and believe me, it’s hard to get anything done.  Let’s not forget there is never a hair out of place on ANY character. Photo credit from liquor.com.

Westerns are like that too, like The Good, The Bad and The Ugly, (which my boyfriend made me watch again for the 10th time).  It fails to depict real life.  Put several men together in a desert or mountains and what happens?  They all want to pee on a cactus, but that never happens. Of course, they could be severely dehydrated, but the characters drink like fish, never eat, rarely sleep longer than 15 minutes, rarely bath, and never feed and water their horses?  Are we teaching our youth you can drink an entire bottle of Jack Daniels, wander into the prairie lands of Italy with a horse and live happily ever after?good-bad-ugly-clint

How about Kill Bill, or any action film where urgent medical care would be needed?  At what point between your eyeball being plucked out (Kill Bill 2) and continuing to fight, do you stop and call 911? Oh wait, you don’t because you don’t have another eye and can’t find your cell phone!  At least your lipstick is absolutely stunning.  If I so much as cut my finger on a piece of paper, I’m running for my life for bandages and a burner phone just for 911 calls.  Elle

One of the most unrealistic scenes (but best) is the fight scene between Patricia Arquette and James Gandolfini in True Romance. Arquette is brutally beaten by Gandolfini, and at one point is thrown through a shower glass door with blood flying everywhere.  Yet, you see her 5 minutes later with no obvious cuts to her body from the glass.  First, I would be laid up in a hospital for 3 weeks with that kind of beating, and second, I would be covered in stitches. At least the filmmakers had the decency to smudge her mascara.

Of course, don’t forget my favorite subject here, managing a trip to the bathroom with a unitard, cape and body armor.  I bet that’s a bitch.  superheroescarousel

It’s just not real enough.

Carpe Diem and happy peeing (I bet you feel the urge to pee now).

 

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Having a Crazy July 2019?

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Are you having a crazy month, week, several days?  Does it seem like life is crumbling around you? And have you been told that Mercury is in Retrograde?  Well, I’m here to tell you, “Yes, everything is chaotic at the moment and that silly planet Mercury is to blame.” This phenomenon is known as “Mercury Retrograde.”

No, I’m not a fortune teller or astronomist, astrologist, or anything important, just an observer of life who had several people advise me not to make any decisions until after Wednesday when Mercury was no longer in retrograde. I have no clue what that means, but from what I have observed, I will hold off on signing that million dollar bonus I was promised until Thursday.

Apparently, Mercury is the mac daddy of the astrological world.  And when it is in Retrogade, there is some kind of pull causing everyone’s life to go off-balance.  According to a real astrologer named Lisa Stardust quoted in a publication called “Express” floating in the World of WW somewhere, the people of the earth will be forced to face uncomfortable truths during Mercury Retrograde.  Even worse, it is really up to you to decide what’s fact or fiction, and since communication sucks at the moment, that will be a challenge.

What is Mercury Retrograde and how do we stop it? At the moment, Mercury is speeding past Earth while it orbits the Sun.  The good news is, assuming Mercury doesn’t have to wait for a red light or long train, it should be past Earth by August 2nd or 3rd.  The bad news is that darn Mercury planet will be orbiting the earth again in late October. Dangit.

Somehow right now, Leos everywhere are struggling to control their communications because of Mercury (if you believe in astrology).  I don’t think you have to be a Leo to struggle right now.  Before you sign on the dotted line, make a big relationship decision, or change careers, you might want to give it a few more days until that little turd of a planet, Mercury, settles down.

Carpe Diem!