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PETS – THE REAL SCOOP ON THE POOP

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Animals are one of my favorite subjects!  Like most people, I started small, for instance with rodents, then worked up to a rabbit and a lizard, and then on to dogs and cats, and then to horses.  If I could have a pet giraffe I would, except PetsMart doesn’t sell anything cool for your pet giraffe at the moment.

I understand how easy it is to succumb to the “cute puppy” advertisements.  Not only do you want to buy Halloween costumes for your pet guinea pig, but you want to buy a pet guinea pig!  And, the larger the pet, the more expensive they get.  The US pet industry rakes in over 60 billion dollars a year due to our infatuation with our pets.  But this post is not about buying Fifi a winter coat, it is about living with our favorite hairy four-legged friends, which is not all glamour and geniality.  Don’t forget, there is a host of reasons why pets are so cute, especially puppies!

I compiled a list of “must knows” about living with pets that are rarely shared with potential pet parents and never seen in those heart-tugging ads.  Here you go:

1.  Get used to clumps of pet hair rolling across the floor like tumbleweed

2.  Get used to people at work pointing to your pant leg covered in pet hair, or telling you that you smell like a dog (or worse).

3.  Learn the sound of your pet when it is about to vomit.  This is very important if you have a dog or cat! You will need to learn to spring out of bed at 3:00 am and rush your pet outside before it pukes on your foot. If you live in a high-rise apartment, you’re screwed.

4.  Be okay with sticking your hand in a plastic bag and retrieving a heaping pile of warm dog pooh while on a walk, especially if you live in an apartment. If you can’t handle picking up dog pooh, get used to being called out on apps like NextDoor and Ring, even if it is really runny diarrhea.

5.  Get used to continually buying underwear and socks to replace the disappearing ones. Your lost undergarments will likely appear later as a “dangler.”

6.  Learn the lingo.  “Dangler” – the pooh wrapped around a pair of underwear or a sock that doesn’t quite completely exit from the dog, which you have to pull out by hand.

7.  Get used to the onslaught of love in the form of slobber.

8.  Get used to your pet’s annual vet visit costing more than all of your doctor bills for the last 5 years.

9.  If you decided to start small, with a hamster, congratulations!  You will probably never experience a dangler.  However, be sure to put it in a separate room.  Once you hit your deep sleep, your hamster will hit the exercise wheel.

10.  Pets, any pets, like consistency.  If you are not consistent, get used to the retribution in the form of destruction. Could be the carpeting, the couch, your favorite pair of Jimmy Choo shoes. They could be chewed up, peed on, pooped on, or simply just eaten.

11.  Get used to the idea of being the boss and falling in love at the same time.  If everything goes as planned, you can’t help but fall in love with all the pea-brained, hairy animals in your life. They have absolutely no agenda except to please.

12. Did I mention hair? Lots of hair.

If you decide to move forward and get a pet, enjoy all of their quirks, and expressions, and warmth, because they simply do not live long enough.  If you can’t handle any thing in the list I have provided, then do us all a huge favor, and don’t get a pet!

Carpe Diem

 

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Life is Short – Have Fun

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Everyone lives his or her life to the best of his or her ability, which includes all the ups and downs of a roller coaster.  Some people handle the ups and downs better than others.  Some see that change needs to be made, others strive to make positive changes, and yet others appear to be in complete control with goal-setting and lists.

No matter how you live your life, whether it’s with a bucket on your head or a bucket list, here are some ideas to jump-start your imagination to break the monotonous routine:

1.  Drive to work with the car windows down while loudly playing and singing your favorite song.  Need a song?  Some goodies include songs like “Jessie’s Girl” by Rick Springfield.  If you enjoyed the early 80’s, this song may be right up your alley.  Rick-Springfield1Or maybe you enjoy the music of the 60’s or late 70’s, when musicians gave us “Brown-Eyed Girl” by Van Morrison or “Green-Eyed Lady” by the psychedelic band Sugarloaf.   Who can deny “I Love Rock ‘n Roll” by Joan Jett or “Hey Micky!” by  one-hit wonder Toni Basil?  I guess 1982 was a good year.  Whatever song you pick, make it loud and sing it like you mean it.  You will arrive to work with confidence, swagger and the wind-blown look of a top model.  Sexy!

2.  Hit a yoga class.  No, not rob them with a gun, but attend and Project_Yoga_Richmond_1participate.  For all you NON-YOGIS, you will quickly learn that it is not all about twisting your arms and legs into the shape of a pretzel, but about joining your mind and body.  In layman’s terms, it’s about detoxifying breath bringing  oxygen to your hard-working organs, including the big one in your mess of a head.  There is no competition, no judgment, only the opening of your heart.  Just try it once so you can check it off your 2016 resolution list as completed.

3.  Attend lawn mower races.  My brother used to race lawn mowers; thus, the reason for my one and only experience with lawn mower races.  It was quite amusing to watch grown men in coveralls try not to fall off their riding mower.

lawnmower4http://www.cityofstevensonalabama.com

Fortunately the blades were removed from the mowers.  If nothing else, it will definitely make you appreciate your own physique, or drive you back to number 3 above to try yoga.

4.  Go sky diving.  This takes a lot of guts!  A lot more than singing in your car or walking into a yoga class, but if it brings exhilaration and joy, then go for it!  I will wait on the ground for you.

5.  Create art.  Even if you are not an artist, try to create something.  There are lots of options from formal art classes to studios that offer pottery or painting while drinking alcohol.  You can fuse glass, make jewelry, throw clay on a wheel, and more. You could even take some junk from your yard, garage or house and mold it into a unique one-of-a-kind piece and put it on e-bay. wilson-child-art110712

6. Video Games.  Do you have a dance game or Twister?  Guitar Hero would be a nice change.  You know you fantasize about being the lead guitarist or lead singer of a famous rock band. No one’s looking ….

This list could go on forever. Whatever you decide to do, please be sure to get your doctor’s permission, read all the waivers before signing, yadda yadda, and don’t blame me.

Send me your extreme ideas or pics for 2016!

Carpe Diem