Most movies are a form of entertainment to help people escape reality.  Because people now have the attention span of a flea, movies need to be exciting, eye-catching, and keep moving.  This leaves no time for details, like eating or going to the bathroom.  The problem becomes that the story is no longer realistic.   Do I want reality in a movie? Not really, but I also don’t want to think I can go 3 days without eating, drinking, or peeing, and still fight a dragon and win.

In some movies, the story line takes you into the character’s daily life which might include sitting down for a meal (of course everything is always perfectly prepared) or getting ready for work (and looking like you just walked out of a makeover at Neiman Marcus).  After these types of scenes that set the tone, all bets are off.  Let’s look at the character James Bond for instance; lots of action in every sense, there is never a break.  They may have a drink at a bar, great sex, then, the characters engage in a 2 hour car chase with no sleep, no food, no shower or bathroom break, and wasted on gin. I have tried this diet, and believe me, it’s hard to get anything done.  Let’s not forget there is never a hair out of place on ANY character. Photo credit from liquor.com.

Westerns are like that too, like The Good, The Bad and The Ugly, (which my boyfriend made me watch again for the 10th time).  It fails to depict real life.  Put several men together in a desert or mountains and what happens?  They all want to pee on a cactus, but that never happens. Of course, they could be severely dehydrated, but the characters drink like fish, never eat, rarely sleep longer than 15 minutes, rarely bath, and never feed and water their horses?  Are we teaching our youth you can drink an entire bottle of Jack Daniels, wander into the prairie lands of Italy with a horse and live happily ever after?

How about Kill Bill, or any action film where urgent medical care would be needed?  At what point between your eyeball being plucked out (Kill Bill 2) and continuing to fight, do you stop and call 911? Oh wait, you don’t because you don’t have another eye and can’t find your cell phone!  At least your lipstick is absolutely stunning.  If I so much as cut my finger on a piece of paper, I’m running for my life for bandages and a burner phone just for 911 calls. 

One of the most unrealistic scenes (but best) is the fight scene between Patricia Arquette and James Gandolfini in True Romance. Arquette is brutally beaten by Gandolfini, and at one point is thrown through a shower glass door with blood flying everywhere.  Yet, you see her 5 minutes later with no obvious cuts to her body from the glass.  First, I would be laid up in a hospital for 3 weeks with that kind of beating, and second, I would be covered in stitches. At least the filmmakers had the decency to smudge her mascara.

Of course, don’t forget my favorite subject here, managing a trip to the bathroom with a unitard, cape and body armor.  I bet that’s a bitch. 

It’s just not real enough.

Carpe Diem and happy peeing (I bet you feel the urge to pee now).