If you were entertained by frozen pizza’s and Saturday Night Live in the late 70’s, you will recognize this line, “Baseball has bin bery bery good to me.” If there is no recognition, pretend you are a Black comedian pretending to be a baseball player from the Dominican Republic. It was the age of Gilda Radner and it was funny. I didn’t get the joke about baseball until Alex Rodriguez betrayed the Texas Rangers for millions of dollars to play for the Yankees. And although I am not making gazillions of dollars playing shortstop for the Yanks, baseball has been very good to me this year. This was the first time in my life that I watched baseball with purpose, that I went to the baseball games to cheer a specific player, that I purchased a jersey to show my support for the home team. I had no idea that 30 attended games and ten pounds later (all from $1 hot dog night at the ball park), that the Texas Rangers would go to the World Series and I would purchase a foam finger. Wow. And in reality, my boyfriend made the game come alive. He rooted for the home team instead of watching 500 other baseball games at the risk of making me feel benched. He taught me a lot about being a vigilant Rangers fan. The season is now over, and as I attempt to lose my hot dog buns until next season, I must find other forms of entertainment.
Ah yes, a good old fashioned roller derby. Awesome stuff. I went to my first Roller Derby match, bout, mash up, whatever you want to call it, the week before Halloween. Flashbacks from the 70’s once again, except this time, it’s flat track, it’s fast, it’s a bit crude and there are no ropes separating you from the skaters. This can be treacherous if your seat is not more than 3 feet off the ground. The women on a team make up jammers and blockers. As you can imagine, the jammers are usually small, agile and quick, and the blockers, well, you will see in the background of the picture below. None of the skaters understand that fishnets and big thighs don’t mix and three feet off the ground is not high enough! Aside from a little pushing, hip checking and a lot of screaming, it was mostly an underwear show. The batman underwear was not to be outdone by the half time show in between bouts. I took a video of roller derby queens dressed as zombies recreating Michael Jackson’s Thriller video. It was on YouTube until my boyfriend received a threatening email to take it down because of some crazy copyright thingy. Other entertainment was provided by a giant with a dead baby doll. You will just have to watch football for a real half time show.
Speaking of which, I still love the Dallas Cowboys despite their constant suckitude. As I was lying in bed after their Sunday night beat down, I asked, “Why doesn’t Jerry Jones fire some people mid season and shake things up?” The answer given to me was “Because it’s mid-season, teams will wait until the end of the year to change coaching.” Ha, I guess Jones took my advice. For now, all I care about is how my fantasy football teams are doing. That’s right, I said “teams” plural. I swore last year that I would never play again. It was a pain in my ass to remember to set my lineup every week. And God forbid a player had the week off. Yet here we are mid-season and I have two teams to maintain. And honestly, I am not doing too bad. Despite my connection of stupidity to fantasy football, I now enjoy it in a twisted way. Admittedly, I do not commit a lot of time to my research every week, but I know how to get the information. Wahaha. So now on Sunday when I get up, I hang out on the couch in my underwear, scratch myself, check out my lineup and wait for the clock to strike noon. If I don’t make it to the playoffs, I think I will try out for roller derby.
Don’t worry, I’m still doing yoga, cooking, wearing makeup and high heels and love horses. Namaste!