Cynthetics

Since it is the holidays, I wanted to talk about my favorite subject . . . my family!! Most people who have seen the movie “My Big Fat Greek Wedding” can garner some familiarity with some part of this movie. Whether you are an only-child or one of many children, you probably have a crazy uncle, a cousin everyone gossips about, or a parent that has made a point of embarrassing you in front of others. I’m not Greek, but I can totally relate. Trade the Ouzo for red wine, and the lamb for sausage and you have the same big fat crazy family except Italians.

The Characters:

My brother Vinny (the oldest living alter boy . . . I mean “stunt boy”)

My brother George (the only one who has a french name)

My brother Dean (as in Dean Martin. My parents drank and smoked a lot in the 60’s)

My father Vinny (Vincenzo if it was his mother calling)

My grandmother Antonietta (She’s almost 100!)

My mother Claudette (the half Italian half French woman who named my brother George)

My cousin Joey Two Times (the oldest of all the Italian grandchildren)

This list is quite extensive, but these are the main characters. Of course I can’t forget my Uncle Joey, my Aunt Carol, and my favorite half French cousins Dougie, Eugene and Deborah. A little French, a little 50’s, a little crazy!!! The French came through Canada, (sneaky bastards). The Italians came through Ellis Island (where a lot of other mobsters came from to hide their identity . . . just kidding).

The holidays hold the best memories. They include waking up in the morning and storming down a set of carpeted stairs in socks. If one of us didn’t fall on our faces, that was a start to a good morning. Then finally landing at the bottom to look to the left back corner of the living room where every Christmas tree was placed from the 70’s to the 90’s and finding loads of presents. To this day I’m baffled at how and where my parents: 1) could afford it; 2) could hide it; and 3) could get it all moved on Christmas Eve without us knowing. How???? I’m telling you, it was the sneaky French working with the organized Italians.

Now, Christmas is quite toned down, except for Dean. He is the only one with small children who appreciate the Christmas morning run to the tree. Except they slide on wood floors and try not to crack their skulls open on the walls on their way to the presents. The rest of us are much more mellow now. We enjoy things like no children, or having drinks with the grown children. Either way, it is all good times in new ways.

Happy Holidays.

🙂

I’m not talking about Christmas gifts although, ‘tis the season to give. So for all of my friends out there who plan on giving and receiving generously this year, I want to pass on some etiquette rules. Let me first lay out some definitions. A “gift” is the act of giving no matter what the item. You are “giving” something, a gift of money to a charity or a toy to a child, with no expectation of return. This is opposed to a marriage proposal. A marriage proposal usually comes with an engagement ring, it is a “proposal” centered on conditions being fulfilled. The first is permanent, the second is conditional.

If you are considering a luxury item as a gift to your special partner (wife, girlfriend, boyfriend, dog . . .), like jewelry, a car, a new dog house, then this is permanent. It is a gift, and if you break up or the dog runs away, don’t expect the gift to be returned.

If you intend to ask that special one to marry you, you might consider separating this from any gifts. (I do hope the dog is not included on this one). An engagement ring is not permanent. It is a conditional gift. That is, it is conditioned upon acceptance, and ultimate marriage. If, for some strange reason, the conditions to the engagement are not met, i.e. no marriage takes place and you both break up, then the engagement ring should be returned. (Ladies, did you hear that??)

A recent story in the news over this exact issue caught my attention. Apparently there is a couple (or used to be a couple) in Connecticut who were engaged to each other. The man provided a $25,000 engagement ring to the woman. She accepted. Something went amiss and they broke up. Now, he is asking for his ring back and she is refusing to return it claiming it was a “gift.” Legal analysts claimed that he can now fight in court for the ring back. Unless he has done something hanious to cause the break up, (and the fact that they do not reside in Montana or Kansas), he should have no problem having a judge order that the ring be returned.

I’m sure at this very point in the article you are saying “that poor sap was taken by another greedy woman.” And, on many levels I would agree. I have seen it too many times. Why didn’t I follow this path? I could have, but call me stupid, I decided I didn’t want to make any exceptions in my life so I could wear a $25,000 diamond ring. And my dad showed up for my dance recitals.

Any way, the message here should be clear. Three things need to be considered during this holiday season.

1. A gift is a gift is a gift. It is permanent.

2. An engagement ring is part of a proposal set on conditions to be met.

3. Think long term not fantasy.

More silly Christmas ideas to come!