Author Archives: Cynthetics

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About Cynthetics

Amateur blogger and intense observer of life through warped sunglasses. In an attempt to hone my writing skills, I am having fun bringing humor and entertainment through observations of everyday experiences. Nothing is sacred!

People Watching Without Going to Walmart

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Today was a great day to take a drive and escape the congestion of the city.  It was as if we lived in a time with no television, no air conditioning and a brand new convertible.  The mercury was expected to stay under 100 degrees and the long flat roads of Texas called out.  What better reason to drive than no reason at all.  Southeast was the direction and within an hour of driving the terrain had changed markedly.  There were beautiful trees, rolling hills and nary a car on the road.  That’s when the fun began.

To say it was like living in another time and place was the theme of the day.  First stop, local gas station on the main strip.  As the gas pump worked to fill our tank, we went into the store for a break and some refreshments.  While waiting for my cohort to choose a drink, I noticed the cute young blond in front of me and thinking to myself, “She is very well put together for a girl in a small podunk town like this,” until I noticed she was purchasing a 90 ounce Slurpee and two large bags of pork rinds.  I tried to snap a picture, but I was seconds behind as she climbed two feet up into her pickup truck where her redneck boyfriend awaited his snicky snacks.

Next stop, the town square.  Saturdays are good days to explore new places, find hidden gems, shop, eat, and enjoy the hustle and bustle of a small town.  We headed for the local farmer’s market which sets up on the sidewalk in front of the courthouse on the town square.  When we arrived, we found nothing.  No hustle, no bustle, not even a freakin’ watermelon.  After illegally crossing the street to avoid a toothless woman in a cowboy hat, we found a swanky espresso cafe / diner / wi-fi hot spot / antique shop on the corner.  Our first mistake was actually asking the young women running the place (one with her infant baby) where the farmer’s market was.  The second mistake was waiting for the answer.  The response from both women was “uh, oh, um . . . ooooh.”  After a few of those, we headed in the direction we thought was part of the answer only to find the local Walmart.  Not even close ladies!  Now we know where they shop because apparently the farmer’s market closes at noon.  The square was not entirely a bust.  We found the local Chamber of Commerce open.  The town square was as quiet as the day was long.  Oh, and at the espresso . . . . shop, you can get statuary for your garden or the run of the mill coral for your bathroom decor all in one place.

After a jaunt at the lake watching small-town teenagers in cutoff jean shorts and high top tennis shoes, we were relaxed and de-stressed, mainly because we no longer had to worry about whether the 80’s were dead.  Apparently the 80’s are alive and well in small towns.   But the fun of watching teenagers try to ditch their alcohol in front of a police officer had to end and we needed to head back to the big city.  Not all was lost because there were still road-side attractions yet to be touched and decided to stop at one of them on our return trip.  The sign read “Good Cookin” in black spray paint.  Sue’s Roost was the name of the place.  Too risky, we chickened out of the roost and headed to an old cotton gin off the highway instead.  It is a restaurant that is physically inside an old cotton gin.  We were greeted with a warm southern smile and could smell the home cooking.  Taking in the ambiance, we stopped to gawk at the murals on the walls.  The owners might as well hang rebel flags in the windows as curtains.  Probably never noticed by the sweet waitresses, but peering down on them was a painting of a white man in a suit sitting on bales of cotton.  He appeared to be watching his migrant and slave workers pick cotton, which in turn was taken to ships and sailed down the Mississippi past the white man’s big mansion.  History was no longer a subject in school, it was real and current.  What nailed it home was observing a group of cowboys coming out of a back room to leave the gin and staring at a black man in the dining room as they walked past him.  I’m not sure, but I think they had white pointy hats tucked in their back pockets next to their Skoal cans.  (Photo by E. Newton).

Life can be sheltered living in the big city and vice versa.  Young folk in small towns enjoy a night in the city, a chance to live in the fast lane for a few hours, and city folk enjoy the slow pace and quiet bliss of a small town to lower their blood pressure.  They are worlds apart however.  One day, we will move back in time again and despite the flaws in social skills, we will return to the espresso . . . . shop, if it still exists, and the cotton gin, if there are no burning crosses out front.  For now, go out and explore, but remember, to each his own.

In case your imagination doesn’t work and from the people who created “People of Walmart”, try “Your Kid’s Art Sucks.”  http://www.yourkidsartsucks.com/.

Carpe Diem!

Crazy People and More Thank You Notes from Hell!

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Times are tough for a lot of people right now, and have been for a couple of years for some.  Since there may be little relief in the immediate future, we have to concentrate on the good things.  We have to stay positive and thankful for what we do have now (not wallow in our pity about what we had or could have had).  In essence, we must keep our wits about us. 

For example, if you DO have a job, try not to run people off the road on your way to work.  Just because you are in a car does not mean you own the road.  And, although you are probably smarter than the asshole in front of you, you might want to show restraint.  For example, if someone flicks a cigarette butt out of a car window and it gets stuck under the hood of your car, be thankful for insurance.  You’re the lucky one who will get a new car after it burns up.  Or, if some asshole cuts you off, try not to run them down.  You will be thankful that they didn’t call 911 and have you arrested for road rage.

If you are unemployed, take some time to watch Cops.  You can learn a lot.  For instance, if you are going to get into a dispute with your spouse over money, be sure to wear a shirt, but NOT a “wife-beater” t-shirt.  No shirt or a “wife-beater” is an immediate sign that you will be arrested, and that can be costly.

Last, when you are in a jovial mood, please share it with everyone.  Spread good energy around and help everyone be thankful. My new slogan:  “No STD’s, just good energy please!”

And because I am in a thankful mood, here is another installment of THANK YOU NOTES FROM HELL:

1.   Thank you Casey Anthony for providing 6 plus weeks of entertainment on Headline News, CNN, Fox News, and every single online news source in the world.  You are a total nut case, but you helped me avoid gaining 10 pounds by not going to baseball games.  Instead, I came home from work every evening to endure an hour of that over-exposed Nancy Grace so I could catch up on your trial.  Now, I am the same weight as when baseball season started and I have no desire to eat a hot dog. 

2.   Thank you to the Casey Anthony jury for coming to such a speedy decision.  Not only did you put an end to a trial that went on far too long, but you swiftly kicked Nancy Grace off the top of the hill.  For that, I love you, and I hope I never see Nancy Grace again.

3.   Thank you John Boehner.  I refuse to believe the pronunciation of your name used on television is correct because without my pronunciation of your surname, I could not smile and laugh every time I read an article about party leaders in our country. 

4.   Thank you Katy Perry for turning aliens into something sexual.  I am finally interested.

5.   Thank you again to the Casey Anthony jury for a quick deliberation.  I finally have my boyfriend back.  Now I can quit listening to Katy Perry.

6.   Thank you God for this agonizing heat wave.  For once in my life, I might enjoy the winter.  (Ha, probably not.)

Send me your THANK YOU’S FROM HELL and I will post them!